Jibreel asked Rasulullah SAW about Iman, and he replied:

أَنْ تُؤْمِنَ بِاللَّهِ وَمَلَائِكَتِهِ وَكُتُبِهِ وَرُسُلِهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ وَتُؤْمِنَ بِالْقَدَرِ خَيْرِهِ وَشَرِّهِ

“that you believe in Allah, His angels, His books, His messengers, in the last day, and in fore-ordainment, both its good and its bad”

And Allah is the Only Witness to what I believe.

I have posted previously on the basic situation many Converts find ourselves in:

Natural Communities and the Estrangement of Muslim Converts

Human beings are social creatures.  We live by way of our interaction with other human beings, which is why 90% of Shari’a is about human interaction and transaction.  When a human being is deprived of society, it’s basically a death sentence.

I have done possibly the most extensive study and thought on hundreds of cases of Converts.  There are patterns – attrition as converts leave the community unnoticed, lack of clarity in learning Islam, failure in the institution of marriage, harassment, a sense of non-belonging in the masajid, a sense of irrelevance in the typical discussions, and for many, acquiescence to the prevailing culture of “living as a Muslim” without purpose.  These patterns are repeated and easily identified to anyone actually paying attention.

And the community does what they do in most situations:  nothing.

I have presented this truth for years.  Allah is sufficient Witness.  I have developed the most advanced and comprehensive understanding of Convert Support anywhere on earth, to my knowledge.  During my years of searching, I found little, and nothing that compares.  Yet, my community has no value for this.

I have also developed the concept for community research and policy, so that our community can develop through critical self-reflection.  Our community has no value for this.

I have developed another vast program to expand the fields of Muslim activism into the public domain, through knowledge-sharing on economics, history, and the political/social sciences.  I developed this entirely alone, relying on my own impetus, experience, and have grasped the leading scholars in most subjects.  I did this so a portion of the Muslim community can prepare themselves to address the universal challenges of our time.  I have compiled relevant statements and articles in the following:

A Political Agenda that Western Muslims Can Fight for

The Islam Forward Agenda

But our community is structured in such a way to inhibit growth and self-correction.  We perpetuate the culture of irresponsibility that has plagued the Ummah for over 300 years.  Our masajid are a perpetual kindergarten in which decades and entire generations are wasted discussing irrelevant matters.  I have documented a few of my thoughts here:

Without a Unifying Agenda, Islam in America Will Dissolve to Nothingness

Over the last 8 years, I have discussed these matters with everyone I know, and many people I don’t actually know.  While the worth of my ideas have been acknowledged, no one is prepared to open a door to implementation.  And, after 29 years living as a human being without a society, I am utterly exhausted.  My career was ruined, my financial state ruined, my emotional health ruined, all of which are natural, obvious consequences.  Allah created us with social dependencies.

What I leave is my love for my children and other family members.  What I take is my knowledge and experience.

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr bin Al-‘As:
that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Indeed Allah does not take away knowledge by removing it from the people, but He takes away knowledge by taking the scholars.”
My dear daughters, I love you tremendously.  I had hoped to be alive long, to see your growth, to offer whatever help I could in the future.  I am sorry I was not stronger.  In situations like this, loved ones always ask themselves “Could I have done anything to help or to prevent this?”  The answer is No.  A person’s depression is a complex issue, but it has nothing to do with the loved ones.  My depression is between me, my disposition to the world, and my society.
Any pain or injury I have caused you, I only hope you can forgive, heal, and move on toward your own challenges and victories, insha Allah.  This life is not a permanent place for any of us.  Please surround yourselves only with good people, and build in yourselves the best habits.  One day’s losses are followed by another day’s wins.  May Allah gather us in happiness.

For the Muslim community:
I ask only for the Sunnah burial.  I am not close enough to anyone to ask for a final wash.  I do not feel a need for Salat-ul-Janazah.  I did not have a community in life.  Your sudden appearance upon my death is meaningless to me.